Excuse me while I have a little ragefest...

Godsend - Sloan Johnson

Godsend intrigued me because I found the premise a little different and I was curious to see if it would work.


This book starts with a gay man married to and supposedly in love with a woman. I say supposedly because from start to finish in this book I kept waiting for that moment the one where I would gush a little and sigh and think "oh, he really loved her in spite of the fact that he was gay, their souls called to each other and it was just meant to be"...nope never happened. 


I've read a few 'GFYs' (Gay For You) and I was curious to see if an author could make me buy into a story that was SFY (Straight For You) because I honestly believe that this is a road that could go both ways. Instead what I was left with was the impression that Scott married his best friend Shelley, who yes happened to be female, because she was dying and he wanted to give her as many of the things in life as he could before she died. Shelley wanted the happily ever after and the white picket fence and probably the 2.5 kids and dog etc, etc. I don't fault her for that many women and men want those things and I don't fault Scott for wanting to give them to her. I don't even doubt that he loved her a lot. She'd been his best friend for a long time. She knew him, understood him as only truly good friends often can. But he loved her, I honestly don't remember any point in the book where he expressed that he was in love with her, that she was the love of his life and there was never any real mention made of a sexual relationship with her. I think it was eluded to once or twice. I felt like Shelley gave Scott that sense of security and belonging that he never got from his parents and that she was maybe in love with him. But at no point did I feel like this was a passionate romantic type of love. That they cared very deeply about each other  and that Shelley filled certain emotional needs for Scott yes. But this did not hit the buttons that some of the GFY stories I've read have and I was not left really and truly believing that this person who has believed they were gay suddenly finds themselves hopelessly in love with someone of the opposite sex maybe if he'd proposed to her before he knew she was dying I might have felt it was more than a good friend trying to give a dying friend a bit of happiness.

I know he told Chris he'd bought the ring months before but the issue for me is if he'd wanted to propose truly wanted to he would have found a way to do it sooner.

(show spoiler)


The story starts essentially with Shelley's death and then jumps down the timeline a year

(for which I am very grateful I did not need to read a plethora of pages about Scott wallowing in the bottom of a bottle as he pushed his friends and family away) 

(show spoiler)


to the point where Shelley's father with great determination forces Scott to get his head out of his backside and start trying to get his act together by attending a bereavement group where he meets Chris who is trying to work his way through the loss of his sister whom he was very close too.



Godsend jumps back and forth between Scott and Chris's POVs for the most part, however, in the first part of the book we do have some of Shelley's POV injected which is fine up to and including the point at which she dies. I don't mean to be crass or insensitive here but this is the point at which Shelley and her POV needed to move on, seriously woman you are dead shutthefuckup!!! I probably would have done a DNF at somewhere around 30% or so but Shelley disappeared, YEAH!!!....uuummm, I mean yeah, sorry she's gone but...Oh hell, who am I kidding I'm not the slightest bit sorry. Shelley was portrayed as being Miss Perfect and then some. She understood Scott like no one else, she always thought of what was best for everyone else first, she only did what she did to spare her family the suffering and pain of watching her go through a prolonged death, yadda, yadda, yadda ad nauseam.  I'm sorry I may have bought this the first 2 or 3 times I read it but after the first dozen or so I wanted to either throw my e-reader or puke. So just about the time I'm ready to toss a coin and see which of these two things I should do god love Shelley, she disappeared. Don't know where she went, don't care.


Now we get to go back to Scott and Chris and watch them work on their relationship together as a couple and while it wasn't perfect it was not to bad. They had some cute moments. They had challenges and disagreements. Chris was incredibly patient and persistent in his efforts to convince Scott that he wasn't leaving and Scott could do his worst but he was going to be there for him. I liked this part of the book. I could relate to it because for different reasons that was the type of person who I finally ended up married to someone who saw the good in me before I did, who believe in us enough for the both of us when it was needed, who knew when to step up and when to stand back and just be there. So from about 30% to around 95% it was ok not an epically good story but readable with some good moments and then we get to the end the last 5% where we're about to get our HEA for these two men and who shows up? You guessed it the ever loving freaking ghost of Miss Perfect Shelley...really? WTF? I could have sworn she died. The really annoying thing was there was no purpose for her re-emergence in the story everything that she was babbling about could have been done from either Scott or Chris's perspective and probably better because of all things, I did not need and I bet Scott and Chris did not need her in the god damned bedroom with them either literally or figuratively.


At one point I honestly thought the whole purpose of Shelley not being able to move on because one of her POVs indicated that she wasn't able to move on because of Scott. So I figured once he started to get his act together she'd be on her way and had that happened I would probably have given this book 3 stars had the ending been different, I considered 2.5 but the fact that Miss Perfect ghost never moved on like she should of and spoiled the ending for me I'm sticking with 2 ghostly stars for this one.


At the end of it all this story was just a hot mess of feelings mostly anger and frustration that what could have possibly been at the very least a good read was just a hot mess and I do sincerely hope that Shelley has found some peace and moved on now that Scott and Chris seem to have their lives sorted around. While I'm glad I didn't DNF this one because I really think Shelley would have kept babbling at me if I had. I'm doubtful that I'll bother with anything else by this author. There just wasn't enough appeal to make me want to see what her other books are like.